Graphing a Woman's Success: Womanhood, Collective Strength and Support

A love letter to my mother in law

By Rashika Joshi Maheshwari

These days, the concept of gender equity in the workplace is a common phrase. For years now, women have not only reached the glass ceiling, but also broken through it. Inspiring an entirely new generation of women to want it and expect it and rise to the occasion in their given field.

Despite this remarkable change in perspective and industry, there is still less certainty around women as they try to strike more of a work/ life balance. For women to succeed, they are often made to feel that they need to choose between proving themselves in their workplace and their world- whether it's travel, relationships or parenting. Each new phase brings a remarkable set of challenges both in the home and at work. 

Rashika and her mother in law on her wedding day

And in each phase, the relationships that we forge are immeasurably meaningful, especially between women. A bond forged born of choice rather than necessity will always bring with it more energy, positivity, and the possibility of success, because within it lies honesty and authenticity. The bond not only engages the two into a fruitful friendship but also a friendship free of judgment. Personally, this was epitomized by my relationship with my mother-in-law.

It is often said that a daughter can know no other support than the support of a mother. And so, I approached my marriage filled with the hopes and dreams of receiving a support system, especially from my mother-in-law. After marriage, I found that my growth was rooted in a beautiful commitment to the daughter-in-law-mother-in-law relationship, beating all the stereotypes.

Here are four lessons that I have learned from my mother in law and the relationship that we have built:

 1) Survival and resilience as a model for success

What women have survived exemplifies what real success is. So it stands to reason that collective women exemplify true ambition, resilience and true untapped power. But for a woman, success is never as easily grasped as a man. Regardless of their fields, women are systematically subjected to more and different professional hurdles. Often I find that a woman is placated as the queen of management. 

But in truth, for a woman to manage it all, she needs a team to manage and support her. After I married, to ensure I stayed the course professionally, I needed another woman's strength, another person who understood the same trials I was facing because she had travelled the same road.

 2) Emphasis on understanding

The type of success my mother in law modelled for me was grounded in listening, understanding, and encouragement. She never overstepped or took away my responsibilities. Still, she would instead coordinate with me, and when asked for help, it was always with a spirit of mentorship and cooperation- investing her time and strength.

My mother in law did not try to burden me with the challenges and methodologies of her time. Instead, she listened and actively supported me in the ways I needed to continue to work guilt-free.

3) Communication and transparency are key

If you hope to see your support system sharing in and helping you build towards your dreams, clarity of ambition and transparency are integral. Sure, you can forge that path alone, answering to no one, but if, like me, you need more support than my husband could offer at home, then communication and transparency are key.

When I reveal to some of my colleagues and friends that my biggest ally and advocate is mother-in-law, they think it’s unusual, rare, or even odd. Being in truth in the past, I felt that remaining mysterious and aloof also left me without real attachment and fundamental understanding. In my mother in law, I have found my sounding board, a safe space to speak to goals, methods and also seek the guidance and advice I need, whether it personal or professional. With no judgement passed, I come to the end of the conversation, inevitably armed with new perspectives, approaches, but also a sister in arms, ready to take the next step with me.

4) Balance

Now I know that this woman with whom I love and cherish wouldn’t be in my orbit had it not been for my first relationship established with my now-husband. This foundational relationship, this marriage, is still a work in progress; we navigate it every day- not only our success as individuals but also as a team. It needs to be priority- a cornerstone for the other ambitions in my life- the foundation upon which I am building them.

Watching how my mother-in-law has skillfully managed this negotiation in her own life over the years is another ongoing source of inspiration—watching how she negotiates the individual’s needs, emotions, moral support, financial support, care, and care career. So the fashion of balancing responsibility to balance responsibilities is how a daughter-in-law can watch and learn. Of course, the passion for work shouldn't overlap the private part of life, but given how many hours we spend at work, it should at least be symmetrical; one should nourish the other, much in the same way our mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship does.

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Rashika is a passionate writer and published author in India. She is also a founder and owner of Sara’s Literature and Content Services, where she and her team deliver content writing services and tutor students online all over Asia.

If your would like to get in touch with Rashika you can contact her at rashikajoshi0103@gmail.com or on Facebook.